we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize