I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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