dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
