dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
