My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
