remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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