just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize