I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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