What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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