there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
