we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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