Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
