Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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