Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
