I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize