Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
