my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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