woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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