Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
