i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
