____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
