He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize