dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
