i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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