Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
