Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I think i got beer on your cat.
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