if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
