I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
