I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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