I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
