What a fucking waste of an outfit
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
