y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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