id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
