I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize