I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You are a genius and a whore.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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