just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
