I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
