Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
