pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
