ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
