you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
