just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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