Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
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