saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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