All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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