I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
