With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
