OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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