Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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