I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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