the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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