I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
