I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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