So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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