when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
