you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
