i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
