me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
