So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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