if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
