you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
