Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize