dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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