I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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