i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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