I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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