I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
