dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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