Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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