I'm drive I can fine osifer
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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