I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
