I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
