I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize