so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
