The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
