I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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