I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Randomize
