the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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