Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
