Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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