I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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