Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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