wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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