i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
