peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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