one two three fourrrrnication!
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
