i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
