I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
