I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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