I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
