Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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