Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
