we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
