remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
