Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
