I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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