Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize