I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
