I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize