you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
