Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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