Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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