We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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