My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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