Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
