ya dads aren't the best wingmen
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
