Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize