Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
