My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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