Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
