Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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